I am here… clutching my throat
trying to release my truths, trying to breathe…
but, my throat/ my body is silencing me.
With each second that takes me deeper into a voiceless whisper
I fear I have nothing worth expressing.
Or, rather, I fear I will make no sense.
I will not be understood.
And, this deep sacred eruption
that feels like feminine wisdom
having her way with the most vulnerable parts of my being
will be lost forever… to myself and the world.
No mirror to reflect Her magnificence.
Only a reflection of the past.
Stupid, naive girl- making something out of nothing…
looking for that which is not there- sneers the shadow.
Yet it is. It is here!
These experiences are the MOST REAL.
There… Mystery… Truth
Standing in the fire.
Burning through the illusions.
Waiting in the In Between.
Do you know this place?
I don’t know how I know…
but, I KNOW…
It is in all of us if we choose to BE with it.
The road, the path, the journey…
the cycles, the process…
it is bittersweet.
Truths are not revealed on command.
In fact nothing, however desperate, can be summoned
from the place of unconscious egotistical command.
So, I stay with this heaviness in my chest
this lump in my throat…
this constriction of confusion.
I work with my dreams.
I write in my journal.
I sit with my experience.
And, I get closer to the pain.
I allow the darkness in…so that I may once again know the light.
I allow the darkness in…so that I may know the expressions of my soul.